Addiction & Recovery Blogs

---

 Understanding how to respond when a loved one is struggling with substance use is at the heart of the CRAFT approach (Community Reinforcement and Family Training). Families often feel powerless, but CRAFT offers practical tools that truly make a difference. This blog explores how families can support a loved one through group-based learning, practice, and insight — using real strategies that work.

CRAFT group support is tailored for families of loved ones using substances — whether it’s a son or daughter, a spouse, or a partner. These groups are designed to offer:

• Honest, real-time feedback
• Opportunities to practice new communication skills
• A place to learn how others navigate similar situations

As you gain experience, these skills can be applied in real conversations — giving you confidence and a calm, supportive approach. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.

1. Reduce your loved one’s harmful substance use
2. Increase the chances that they enter — or stay in — treatment
3. Improve your own emotional and physical wellbeing, independent of your loved one’s behavior

These goals are the backbone of the CRAFT framework and guide every session.

One powerful CRAFT session focuses on Functional Analysis (FA). This exercise is a roadmap that helps families better understand their loved one’s behavior — the who, what, where, when, and especially the why behind substance use.

You may already have deep insight into your loved one’s patterns:

• Who they’re with when they use
• What situations trigger it
• What they feel beforehand
• What short-term relief or reward they get
• What long-term consequences follow

You’ll explore both internal triggers (like stress or loneliness) and external triggers (like certain places or people), then map out responses that might offer the same benefits — but in healthy, sober ways.

One of the core ideas in understanding substance use is this: the substance isn’t always seen as the problem — often, it’s seen by the user as the solution. Whether it’s relief from anxiety, a temporary escape, or a craving being met, those effects serve a purpose for them.

CRAFT helps you understand these perceived rewards — and then identify new, positive alternatives that can fulfill the same needs. That’s how change begins.

You’ll walk away with practical insights like:

• "If X is a trigger, how can we help them face it differently?"
• "If Y is a reward they’re getting, what healthy activity can give a similar effect?"

This becomes the foundation for a new, more effective plan that encourages change without confrontation.

Many CRAFT participants find that podcasts provide valuable reinforcement between sessions. They offer deeper insight into family dynamics, communication, and recovery strategies — and I share several podcast resources that families have found particularly helpful during our group work.

CRAFT Groups Work Because They’re Practical
Families often ask: “What really works when someone you love is using?” The answer lies in small, consistent changes, a clearer understanding of substance use behavior, and your own emotional resilience.

CRAFT provides exactly that. And when practiced in a supportive group environment, the results can be life-changing — for your loved one and for you.

—Nancy Hamilton, Certified CRAFT Coach

 One of the most powerful tools family members can learn is how to communicate in a positive, effective way—especially when supporting someone who struggles with substance use. This is a core skill covered in the CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) approach, and it plays a big role in helping families promote healthier choices, reduce conflict, and support change.

Why Positive Communication Matters

When family members learn to communicate in a constructive, supportive way, it helps create a calm and respectful environment that encourages progress. Research shows that non-confrontational communication increases the likelihood that a loved one will hear your message—and stay open to future conversations about change.

Even when your loved one isn’t ready to talk about their behavior, how you speak to them can set the stage for change. Positive communication improves relationships and can reduce defensiveness or resistance. Over time, it also becomes a skill you can use in other areas of life.

Practical Examples of Positive Communication

In our support groups, we practice exactly how to communicate about alcohol or drug use without arguing or shutting each other down. For example:

• “It’s nice to be with you when you’re feeling like yourself.”
   
• “I see how hard you’ve been working, and I want to encourage that.”
   
• “You’ve come a long way. Keep it up.”
   
• “You’re strong—you’ve shown that before, and I believe in you.”
   

These phrases help reinforce healthy behaviors and build trust, without ignoring real concerns. They’re not fake compliments—they’re genuine affirmations of effort and progress, however small.

Tips for Building Better Communication Habits

Here are some guidelines we explore in CRAFT sessions:

• Speak calmly, even when things feel stressful.
   
• Choose a good time to talk—avoid heated moments.
   
• Keep your tone supportive rather than judgmental.
   
• Use specific, encouraging words.
   
• Practice ahead of time to hear how things sound out loud.
   

Tone, timing, and volume matter. You can still express your feelings and set boundaries—but doing it with calm, respectful language makes a big difference. Confrontation, yelling, or sarcasm often shut conversations down. Productive communication keeps the door open.

Working as a Team

This approach doesn’t mean ignoring difficult issues or pretending everything is fine. It means approaching those issues together, as a team. It’s not you versus your loved one—it’s both of you versus the substance-related problem.

What We Cover in Support Sessions

Our support groups for families cover:

• How to communicate about substance use without confrontation.
   
• Practicing communication techniques with feedback from others.
   
• Using language that supports motivation and healthy change.
   
• Understanding how emotional reactions (like yelling) affect outcomes.
   
• Building a calm, supportive dynamic that helps reduce stress and build connection.
   

Recap: Three Goals of the CRAFT Approach

1. Help reduce a loved one’s risky or harmful behavior.
    
2. Support your loved one in seeking help or staying with positive choices.
    
3. Focus on your own well-being—emotional, physical, and mental.
    

Even small changes in how you speak can shift your relationship in a healthier direction. If you’re wondering how to talk to a loved one about substance use—or how to build a more peaceful home environment—positive communication is the foundation.

If this topic feels relevant to your situation, our support sessions can help you gain skills and confidence. We focus on practical steps you can take to support your loved one—and yourself—without judgment or pressure.

—Nancy Hamilton, Certified CRAFT Coach

Learning how to stop enabling a loved one’s substance-related behavior is often simpler than it seems. It begins with a shift in mindset and a few clear steps that make a meaningful difference. In our CRAFT-based support sessions, one important focus is learning how to reinforce healthy behavior—and how to step back when harmful behavior is present.

What Does It Mean to Stop Enabling?

Enabling often happens without realizing it. It might look like giving money when it might be used for unhealthy habits, allowing behavior that avoids responsibility, or unintentionally rewarding substance-related actions. While the intention is to help, enabling can sometimes prolong the problem. Learning how to stop enabling means learning how to gently but firmly shift that pattern.

Two Core Principles for Changing Enabling Behavior

1. Reward only healthy behavior.
   This means offering encouragement, praise, or meaningful support when your loved one is not engaging in substance use. For example, planning a fun activity, giving a genuine compliment, or enjoying a meal together can all be ways to support their healthier choices.
    
2. Remove rewards during unhealthy behavior.
   This includes avoiding reinforcement when substance use is present. For example, you might skip planned rewards or pause a conversation by saying something like, “Let’s talk later when we’re both feeling clear.” This helps send a message that support is available—but only during sober moments.
    

Examples of Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is simply anything your loved one views as enjoyable or affirming. It encourages them to repeat healthy behavior. Rewards don’t have to be grand—they can be as simple as:

• “You’ve made great progress. I’m proud of you.”
   
• “It’s really nice spending time together like this.”
   
• “You’ve been showing up in a whole new way lately.”
   

Using these kinds of statements regularly helps reinforce your support in a positive, intentional way.

Why Timing Matters

One of the key lessons we cover in our sessions is the importance of timing. If your loved one is under the influence, it’s often best to pause communication and revisit the conversation at a better time. This also applies to when you offer praise or support. Timing those messages for when your loved one is sober sends a clear and respectful message—and helps them connect the dots between their behavior and your response.

Trust What You See

Many family members are good at recognizing the signs of use, but sometimes it’s easy to overlook them—especially when emotions are involved. We go over signs to watch for, so you can make thoughtful choices about when and how to respond. It's okay to trust your instincts and stay grounded in what you see, not just what you're told.

What Enabling Often Looks Like

Enabling is not about intent—it’s about impact. It can include:

• Covering for missed responsibilities
   
• Ignoring behavior that affects others
   
• Giving money or resources that support unhealthy choices
   

In our group sessions, we explore these patterns in more detail and look at common enabling behaviors between parents and teens, adult children, or spouses and partners. Once you see the pattern, it becomes much easier to shift.

Proportional Rewards

A major part of reinforcing positive behavior is making sure the reward fits the situation. A small step might deserve a small reward—like a smile or a favorite meal. A major milestone might call for a weekend away. Often, shared activities make better rewards than material gifts. You know your loved one best, and your insight is key in choosing what will be most meaningful.

How This Fits Into CRAFT

Stopping enabling behavior fits into CRAFT’s larger framework of changing family dynamics in ways that support healing. We use real-life examples and practical exercises to help you:

• Recognize when enabling is happening
   
• Shift those patterns with calm, confident steps
   
• Use positive reinforcement at the right times
   
• Communicate clearly and kindly
   

Final Thoughts

The decision to stop enabling doesn’t mean stepping away from your loved one. It means stepping toward a healthier way of offering support. By making small, thoughtful changes, you help your loved one connect rewards with healthy choices—and that’s a powerful motivator for change.

If you’re ready to explore this further, our CRAFT-based support sessions can help you practice these steps with guidance and encouragement.

—Nancy Hamilton, Certified CRAFT Coach